я вчера носился с проблемой:

мне нужно было перевести с русского на английский фрагмент дневника одного сумасшедшего.
меня этот документ настолько впечатлил, что я до сих пор о нем готов говорить.

какая ужасная, страшная, удивительная жизнь, которая, одновременно, по пылу религиозной страсти сравнима с житиями святых.
этот человек - рабочий-мебельщик. он познал тайну дерева и принялся выращивать духовное дерево в себе.
как водится, он усмирял свою плоть: зажимал ноги и грудь струбцинами, вешался в петле, разработал технику задержки дыхания.
текст же представляет собой кучу всевозможных неспряжений падежов, несогласований времен и т.д. я старался как-то этот дух корявости и одновременно, вдруг - хорошей литературности, - сохранить.
короче. я с помощью друзей этот текст перевел. спасибо всем, кто помог.
если англоговорящие и англочитающие смогут продраться сквозь этот текст, я смогу считать, что переведен текст достаточно прилично. если будут замечания и поправки - вдвойне буду рад.

1950 11 12
11/12.
Here it is - a human life. It is of no use for anybody. I’m sitting alone. And what is it all for? Happiness is not in that.
Four years as mummy has died. And nobody is necessary to me any more.
I will hold the breath, as it should be done, and I will depart from here for ever. Then me and mummy will not leave any more never, never. Be healthy, Nikolay Ivanovich, you have grown big already.
02/02. 1958.
Well,  it’s good to live in the open air somewhere in a сторожке. Probably, as the forester, or to be arranged as the watchman, but the health will not allow.
I choke without a tree, all is poisoned in a city for a long time.
07/06. 1959.
Nevertheless, I live in many respects incorrectly. Because of this I experience constant indispositions. And the mood often happens to be not so good, and the result of all my life depends on it. The matter is that prayer is not enough, it is necessary to have the concrete instructions what to do and how to arrive in each separate case. And to have a daily routine in general, and not to recede from it under any pretext.
14/06. 1959.
In my prayers sometimes I reach what I name a wooden limit. It’s possible to achieve, when I give away all the energy saved up during the day and I release entirely all of myself for comprehension of secret of a life. Then the light proceeding from my icons becomes appreciable for eyes. The such luminescence is brighter, the more full, means, I have cleared myself, and I can understand and acquire more. But you should not stop on the reached.
28/06. 1959.
Has started manufacturing of the Book of Day, it will consist of two, specially picked up pieces of pine breed fastened by wooden loops. They should open in the form of the big thick book. I will read it every day, strictly under the schedule. In total such books should be six, by quantity of icons: the Life Book, Light Book, the Sun Book, the Book of the Earth and the Book of Night. It is necessary to read them in strict sequence separately from prayers.
13/08. 1959.
Put mummy’s photos in the Book of the Earth, thereby has checked up, whether they are made correct, and if, someone was nearby her, is this person good or bad. I deprived of bad people of sight.
26/08. 1959.
Has decided to save money for camera purchase. Probably, it is necessary to buy "Zenith" though it is difficult for getting: it is possible to wind rings in "Zenith" and to photograph from a very short distance, and it is now important to me. I will gather a collection of pictures about each tree familiar to me. And write down all the data in a special writing-book.
11/09. 1959.
Prayed almost till the morning. In the end light from icons was so strong that it became light in an office, as in the afternoon. Has understood and has realised much. There is light in the soul, and the mood is excellent. In a canteen I even has bought compote for Nikiforov – let him drink for his health.
08/11. 1959.
Colds are infernal, and my coat has absolutely worn out. I use a reflector at home, but the Sun Book helps more: I read it now all the time and it becoming even hot sometimes. It is all maden from an ash-tree and how much it scolds me - I can not come off it. How many of all is put in it! I become engrossed in reading late and after that directly I start prayers.
23/12. 1959.
Now I have a lot of photos at resorts, I never feel sorry for money for this. Of course, it is a lot of different swine there, but it doesn’t matter, I can take in hand all of them, if it is necessary. How many women usually solicit me, enamoured in me, and simply most primitive females. Well, all of them are collected here. Stand, are opened on me, but can do nothing already. I will place all of them along a sofa, of course, I will preliminary put on a mask, that for none from them could not peep for my face. I tighten more strong by thongs and I go around, and they cannot tear off a sight from me, slobbers flow at all of them. By itself, I need to watch breath and, in order not to break an organism, to breathe seldom and deeply. The special role is played here by a diaphragm. After that I will look a little in the Book of the Life and properly I start prayers.
04/01. 1960.
I feel badly. Strong cold. Because I have long lain on snow before has come to the senses when I was attacked by bad people in parkway then. All body is in bruises, and if I had not a coat they would break the edges to me also. I am smeared with wooden oil. I have read in the Book of the Earth that all it is not casual. That tests should follow one another if you have followed the Knowledge Way. And stupid cattle which beat me, have lifted me on a step above, without knowing this. Bruises will pass, but my basic wooden body not only is not touched, but became even stronger. I should be only grateful to them. Moreover - I should torture myself my external body to strengthen internal, wooden. It is desirable for me to have different clamps to tighten them on me during a prayer so that all inside crackled. There are different thorns, too, it is useful to drive thorns in yourself. And in a combination with a prayer it will bring true pleasure.
15/02. 1960.
After my beating it became much easier to me to see light proceeding from my icons. Once light was of such a force that has lifted me over a floor and has covered not only an office wall, but all big room, and behind these light walls thousands branches were rustling and moving. They were weaving in special dance which has completely grasped me and has shipped in a condition at which movements replace words. They invited me in their world which surrounds us invisibly, but becomes clear and visible only for few. It is impossible to describe it as you become a part of dazzling light yourself. It exists in itself and concludes Sense Of All. But I am not ready to enter into it yet.
03/05. 1960.
An intolerable headache lasts for the third day. Could make nothing while I was on service, in general I badly understand what happens. Went to the doctor, he found nothing, and has hinted that I’m the simulator. I am afraid for work very much: they have got used to me here and have left me alone, nobody sticks. If I will be dismissed, it will complicate life strongly, they even can offer to leave a room.
12/05. 1963  .
It is necessary to decorate icons, each one separately. Probably, they should be inserted under glass, so that they would not get dusty. All my life is subordinated now to the strict schedule: I’m getting up at five. I wash and immerse a head in a bucket with cold water for one minute to hold the breath completely.
Except me so early there is only Petrov, but he does not not stick to me, because he is natural enemy to me, and considers me to be the loony. Then in a room at myself I put on a floor three thick boards, and it is inserted four wooden thorns into each one, and I lay down on them. From above, using the block, I lower on a breast two stumps of the beam, fastened among themselves,. I have dragged them from Skatertny lane, a house was assorted there, and rafters and beams have been sawn and simply abandoned. This tree is invaluable, - not less than hundred years, dry, without шашеля. All this replaces the device for breath to me for a while. To make it duly as I had conceived is impossible for me yet.
Stumps weigh about thirty kgs, and not less than seventy is necessary, it is insulting. But nevertheless even this weight works: my breath is slowed down and all is nasty cannot get inside any more. So I lie from twenty about forty minutes - it depends on how do I feel and on concrete depth of breath. Then I liberate a thorax and lie easy about ten minutes, to come back to myself completely. A breakfast is at six thirty. Oat-flakes and one third of birch sawdust. I presoak it always since evening, filling in with two glasses of boiled water. Tea I have is from oak chips, half-and-half with dried currant sheet, it is fragrant and also possesses fine colour, it is a pity, but without sugar I can not manage – it  is bitterish. Then, of course, I go for work. When I come back, I try simultaneously to have a walk - I go roundabout a way. The first that I do, having come to myself, is that, besides, I immerse completely a head in a bucket with water. And the longer, the better. This is primary clarification, from work, from transport, from all these nasty physiognomies.
I dress a mask to keep energy: usually it leaves from not protected face, and any swine can peep. Then - reading. At this time it is necessary to read the Book of Day, but it was stolen by malicious people. Therefore now I replace it with the Book of Light. I read for not less than an hour, and when there is a possibility, much longer. I remove all hardship and the drudgeries, all insults and humiliations by means of reading.
Now I am ready to a prayer, short of last clarification. It is, perhaps, most difficult. First of all I tighten myself by leather thongs, and strong. Through a hook on which the block for respiratory device cargo is fixed, one more strong cord with a loop on the end is thrown at me. Cautiously, not to bring down a mask, I push in it a head and I tighten through the same block. Now I hang over a floor. A loop squeezes a throat sweetly, breath is blocked. Gradually iridescent circles before eyes inflame in the whole fire. It blazes more fnd more brightly, burning out inside by cleaning fire the rests of any muck. Now I am free from fornication and low thoughts.
Slowly, as the peacock feathers, pour bright paints of my internal riches, those treasures which Aladdin in a magic vault has seen, and uncle Zhora so a long time ago has presented to me. I feel, how blood passes on all my body as its noisy streams, having rushed back from a head, direct downwards. She runs as murmuring streamlets in hundreds arteries to the centre of my body. The light in my head starts to die away quickly. It turns to one blinding point which is carried away among a black chasm. Now it is impossible to delay. By the weakened hand I reach a clip and I release a cord. The block falls. Feet concern a floor. I am released from a loop, I lie for some minutes having stretched on a floor. Last clarification demands all my forces. But now I can reach an armchair in an office, clamp foot and a breast clamps strongly and to start long-awaited prayers.
08/08. 1964 
Spent fifteen years at the factory. Three directors were replaced. And our department was decently updated. And what’s the sense? I would leave a long time ago, yes nevertheless here, I am closer to wood. How could I live without it? Still at the time when father worked at furniture factory, I’ve been asking all the time to take me to manufacture. I was about seven - eight years when I’ve got to see in shop as shavings from a table flow as a stream, and the table was, for those times, don’t worry how huge, and the plane was PR 18, serious machine. So the manufacture  was - just keep yourself. And so, when I’ve got to see it all for the first time all around has grown dull for me. The only thing in my eyes was this stream, as somewhat a light. All has grown dull in me, and I have entered into this light. I remember that I have become a cripple then decently. The mechanical plane has passed on my head on a tangent, thank God, I remained alive. Two months in hospital I lay. Since then headaches have begun.
14/09. 1964.
So, if I die, who will know about everything, what is discovered by me? How many magnificent icons I have! Books and so on. The main thing, I possess such a knowledge! The truth is, who needs it. One word: cattle is all around. Drunkards and boors only. I tried to contact one priest, well, he has raised such a stench! I have lost respect to religion after that at all. And what they mean? They do not want to know anything at all. They have their own interests. And, what, am I not religious? I pray every day for many hours. How many years I do live as the monk! And all this, as it turns out - is useless?
12/10. 1964.
Now I can photograph quite normally. Decent collection turns out already. I study a life of the trees, all their habits and customs. Sketches I’ve been doing all the time. And now a lot of photos are gathered also. Well, for example, in the south trees are absolutely special. In drawings I can represent an essence of a separate tree to catch it’s soul, so to say. And the photo comprises in itself  both more and less. The tree does not turns out in a photo the way I see it in a life, like those who do I think it is. But I can talk, communicate with it, probably, in the restricted limit really. The trees have their own secrets. And I’m in a course, and I can embody much in a film. And then be looking at photos and developing them in a head in addition. A secret life of trees.
12/06 . 1968.
There are horrors of my life, almost endless, I feel nothing except a pain. But prayers give a consolation: you too have a weapon.